Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy Fuck Year

Let me be lighter,
I'm tired of being a fighter.
Could you beam me up?-Pink

Another year.  Another time for me to let out a collective sigh and to continue moving on.

I've been stuck in a bipolar hell for about two weeks now, and we all know that when that happens I get stuck in the accident and the loss of Greg.  I've got to say that it all gets so old, but I just can't NOT do it.  I just wish this was some sort of thing that I can make the hurt go away.  But I feel like I'm screaming under water.

I'm glad that I've resisted the urges to do things to harm myself.  It's not to say that it's easy, I just want the pain to go away.

Not a pill, or self harm will help me.  This is a step forward. But for him, I'll find a way to keep him alive some day.

3 comments:

Summer said...

I'm so sorry that you continue to struggle with Greg's death. I wish I had a magic wand to wave over your head to help you deal with the pain. Love you.

kfd211 said...

Dear sweet Woman, I know that it is very difficult for you, and easy for me to say but....you already know the answer..and in time you will let yourself! It is a part of the journy that you are on and as you have already discoverd in your recovery you can only go 1 day at a time. This truth holds for everything and for always..

Love and a LARGE HUG to you. And BTW you look absolutely beautiful(heart fluttering) in your last pic!!!!

Anna said...

Thanks to both of you. Y'all have always been there for me and I love you for it.