He drives me craaaaazy.....

Someone needs to tell me that at one point all this drama is going to simmer down. PLEASE, someone tell me this, even if you don't believe it. Lie to me. Tell me what I want to hear. PLEASE.

I had to have the tooth yanked yesterday and luckily for me it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I had a rock solid plan with my sponsor and therapist concerning getting pain pills afterward and it went as we hoped. They did have to cut me and it broke, blah, blah, blah. All meaning that I did have to take narcotics. But they aren't in the house with me and I don't believe I will need another one. Progress not perfection, right?

Since telling the le nearly X that I initiated a divorce, he is driving me insane. INSANE. The kind where people bang their own heads into concrete walls and eat their own shit. The reason I am going fiercely mental is that he has suddenly discovered he loves me "with all his heart". BULLSHIT. He is being so disgustingly sweet that I want to hurl in my lap. He won't leave me alone despite that fact that I have made it clear that I believe the marriage is over. The day after I told him I had filed, the mother fucker puts his wedding ring back on!! When I begged him to work it out and go to counseling with me, at least go to meetings or to fucking Al-Anon, he took the mother fucking ring OFF. Now that I'm so over this he puts it back on? Get some pride LNX. This is all about control. You don't have any and you are desperate to get some. You look really ugly wearing desperate by the way.

He is walking around staring at me with pitiful eyes and crying all the time. When he sees that this isn't working on me, he goes to the bathroom and makes noises like he's throwing up. It's so immature and disgusting. It makes me want to throw eggs at him but I don't want to be mean. Don't want to be mean? See, shit eating insane.

Good news is that I am going to look at a house in a couple of hours. It's not that far from where we live now and is on the street as 2 of my peeps. It's also a much bigger place and has 2 bathrooms (I think anyway) and has a fenced in back yard. Hopefully, I will be able to get it and me and the kids can head on our way. Despite trying to throw me out of the house last week, he knows now that I am serious and so he's saying, "Oh, just stay where you are." He only says this because he wants to be able to come and go as he fucking pleases. Another reason I'm mental. He keeps coming in and taking a shower without asking. UGH.

I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to do anything that seems spiteful. I don't want him to be angry either. I just want to put all this in a nice container and label it THE PAST and be able to move forward AND look back at it all fondly. But the way he's fucking trying to kiss me and hug me all the time and looking all little boy I lost my puppy sad, it's making me want to put it in the container and burning that shit until it's ash.

None of this is about a 3rd party either. My affections have not been alienated. This was over long before this other situation began to simmer and I had a plan to leave LNX anyway. This new complication (and it is complicated) has only expedited my decision and while I'm not planning a wedding and writing our names inside a heart, I do feel as if I am in the right place, for right now. It fits.

Kind of like how I'm going to fit my foot up LNX's asshole. Without any lube or foreplay. Hell! He deserves a nice dry ass fucking, now doesn't he?

Today has been nothing but stress out the ass and I'm ready to let this day go down in history.

We were back in court only to have a continuance. What a pain in the fucking ass the justice system can be. I keep searching for an instance that it actually worked for the good, but so far I can't come up with jack shit.

I could go on about a broken tooth and how I'm scared shitless about having it yanked out since it would provide this addict a perfect drug seeking opportunity. BUT. I have enough recovery behind me to realize it's thrown me for a loop and I ran straight to my sponsor. I heart her.


Anyway. Biggest thing to share is that my attorney finally saw my point of view on the end of this marriage and began to file the divorce papers. They should be ready to sign by the both of us in a couple of days and he told me he will only charge me the court costs since we've given him so much money in my criminal case. That's a very cool thing in my opinion and I'm truly blessed that I have people who are helping me navigate these choppy waters. I told le nearly X and then he cried for two hours and pledged his eternal love and devotion. WTF? Yeah, right. Cry me a river mofo. Where were you when I need you the most? Oh, right. Your head was shoved up your own ass, how'd I forget?

Thank for letting me share!!!!

P&L, bitches.

do you think that unicorns have labias?

Did I ever mention that I went to the psych and told him all these good and positive changes in my life at the moment, as well as that I wanted to go down on my Prozac, only to have the God damn commie increase the shit? Seriously. Am I the only person in this entire world that feels good about me right now?


Bad news for le nearly x, is that his newly appointed attorney ended up removing himself off the case yesterday for a conflict of interest. Seems his law partner is the attorney for this stupid jacked shit hole and that really wouldn't make good bed fellows with the case. So, go ahead and cross Monday off the calender as an exciting update from your girl. There won't be a trial if there isn't a lawyer. What le nearly x needs, is a good fucking attorney that isn't from this piss ant town, along with some cash to pay them. But like it always is in criminal cases, prisons are full of poor mother fuckers.

I just completed my 7th step and I had a revelation that is why I'm going through these major changes. Obviously, removal of those character defects that led me to hold such a huge secret from my son, has been lifted as well as the ones that are at the center of who your girl is. Why else would I be so clear on the fact that this marriage is done. Where's the Heinz 57 and a sharp knife. It's time to eat that son of a bitch already.

As with all dysfunctional/borderline wack job relationships, le nearly x has decided to be nice to me now. He even attempted to kiss me earlier this evening after he watched the kids while I went to my area NA meeting. KISS ME? We haven't kissed each other in so long I cannot fucking remember. Yes, even though we had sex, we still did not kiss. With le nearly x, foreplay consists of spitting in his hand and then causing me great agony. Thank God it only lasts for 30 seconds. Yay for those hot 30 second dry fucks!! I did once hear rumors that there are some men who aren't like that in bed, but I think that is a fantasy like gold at the end of rainbows and unicorns. Actually the last time I got the joy of sand paper dick, it wasn't even in a bed, it was bent over the god damn toilet. Looking at the soap scum in my tub really got me hot. "Oh, yeah baby! Next time take me over the laundry basket so I can stare at the shit stains in your boxers." Just please wash your fucking hands prior to hocking loogies in them. I'm going to end up with labial irritation and I really don't need any sort of yeasty infections along with it.

And since we are discussing my vaj, remind me to post about today's Brazillian your girl got. Not now, but later.

I was going to delve into the saga of Rilee's well being at this point and how he will be meeting his biological father this week, but somehow it doesn't seem to fit with labial irritations and painful dry fucking or his momma's genital grooming habits. I'll save that for another post.


Peace and love, my bitches.

Peace and love.

So, what did you do in the past week?

He left.

He came back.

He left again.

Came back again.

Fight. Fight. Fight.

AB hates me because she hates him so much and he just won't go.

Sunday blew up over finding out I'd been in contact with Rilee's bio dad. Got a bit physical.

I told my therapist what happened and she said that was domestic violence and since kids saw it that was child abuse. She HAD to report it. Just what I needed, huh?

He tried to physically throw me and my clothes out in the yard. But I'm scrappy and he couldn't take me.

My lawyer says to hold off filing any separation or divorce papers until his case is resolved. Even though he knows I have bruising.

Monday was spent sitting on a bench in court for 9 mother fucking hours.

Tuesday was back in court for another 7 hours only to have his lawyer removed from his case since he had talked to me early on in the case when I needed an attorney too.

No plea deal could be reached.

Trial begins Monday.

He left again last night, this time with a suitcase.

Rilee knows the truth now.

And I'm in love with a man that isn't my husband.

on a serious note

So I spent an entire afternoon in a lawyers office answering the questions of le hub's lawyer. It was tons o'fun and I look forward to never doing any shit like that again. Thankfully, le hub was at work and not able to join the party, so it wasn't that bad.

Monday is plea day here in the fair city of crooked small time law enforcement and since they are just drooling at the mouth to ruin le hub's life, it will go to trial the following week. A trial. Can you fucking believe that shit? I mean, seriously. Don't you have to have intent to be guilty of a crime? Jesus.

Anyway, the situation sucks from any and all angles and right now, I'm about as serene as a nun getting gang raped. The DA's office won't do anything about my case because they are holding it over my head so that I will LIE for them about le hub. Greattttt.

It's really bad at my house right now. If I were to suddenly disappear or die mysteriously, please print this off and show it to some crooked law dog somewhere. And I'm not saying that to be funny. Le hub is a bomb waiting to blow, full of rage and bitterness towards me and it's so thick and vicious that you can feel it's presence in the room.

Send positive vibes this way peeps. Your girl needs them.

I am................................excitement

Nah, I ain't. I'm boring. And sunburned. Or is it sunburnt? Are they one word or two? Umm. Yeah. Okay.

So, bitches. Your girl is in a mood. Kinda cooky and crazy. Maybe even all girls just wanna have fun. Me and the girl child are being all silly and girly-ish. We're taking funny pictures and making our own "gang symbols" cuz we're way gansta like dat. Giggles.

And as usual, since drama doesn't follow me cuz it rides on my back, there is a swirling storm a brewing. Rilee has a stress fracture in his vertebrae, so we've been going back and forth to the ortho doc all week, and we won't know a cause until Tuesday when all the tests come back.

In the middle of that shit storm is where you will find DRAAAAAAHHHH-MA #247,9999,9999, which is the fact that Ambeff has KNOWN all along that le hub wasn't bio dad. Jeebus fuckin' christ, bitches! You coulda buttered my butt and called me biscuit when I heard that shit!! But it's like she told me, "Mommy, I'm not retarded." So we had this entire mommy/daughter talk about it all and I skimmed the surface of information and let it be. It's pretty awesome to be reminded of how mature and great your kid is though. When I asked why she'd never brought it up, she replied that she didn't think it was any of her business. WTF?

Where'd dat butter be? Cuz my butt be right here..............

and when she knew she could do no more

If you were aware of the fact that your pal Anna has infinite power over this whole universe, please raise your hand. If you believe that little ol' Anna of Alabama can ruin entire lives with a flickering brain neuron that can spark riots and mass confusion, please stomp your feet. But if you know that Anna is no better or any worse than anyone else in the cluster fuck of a world we share, just keep scratching your ass and read on.

The next month is going to be difficult to navigate without running this fucker into the Bermuda Triangle. On purpose. The 12th is going to be a court date where the hub could attempt to work something out with the author-ah-tay's. Of course, since he is searching for complete vindication, he isn't even considering this option and has demanded a trial. A trial. A fucking trial. Maybe this would be a viable option if we did not live in judgemental bum fuck. The land of rama dama redneck ding dong. This glorious experience should be erupting the week of the 19th. Stay tuned.

I told the hub that I had decided to tell my son the truth about his paternity. He refused to discuss it, I figured that much out because he kept screaming, "END OF DISCUSSION!". Even though I'm 37 years old, I was forbidden to tell my kid the truth and was threatened with, "If you do we are over!". To this most shocking threat (NOT), I replied, "But we already are over."

On this very same walking in the garden kind of day, was when I was also informed of how horrible of a human being I am. What a raging drug addict I was and how I drug him down along with me. Excuse me if I was yawning during that brand new accusation. After he played his usual role of victim of a bad, bad girl, I informed him in a quite bland tone of voice that it didn't have to end up like this. I tried very hard to make amends to him. I met him more than half way and wanted therapy together to attempt to get past this and keep our family together. Then I told him that I would do whatever I had to do to be honest concerning his legal situations but I was no longer doing anything about the joke of a relationship. I am done people. Stab me with a thousand forks. But I am done.

I am okay with all of this. I am scared shit less at what may happen with this legal situation but I turned it over to that bright cloudy place I call my Higher Power and I was reassured. I am scared shit less over an uncertain future but since I have zero control over anything that goes on atop this marble that I'm just kicking back and will be doing the next right thing. I'm going to leave my super destroyer powers to the hub who thinks I can single handily ruin his life while he sat there innocent with his eyes closed. (Innocent, maybe. But his eyes were wide open)

Now, stop scratching your ass and tell me how much you love me.